Me that I am

Published on 5 November 2024 at 11:05

This narrative poem has a different spin from my usual uploads. I Love the words given to me because they are the most realistic words I have written thus far. I have a story to tell, full of trauma, stuff I didn't ask for, and things I did. Because of it, I have persevered, grown resilient, and built my character. Shining light on the darkness we own is a way to remember we have won the battle.

I wrote these words in 2023 as I was emerging from the darkest period of my life.  Embracing the darkness is Embracing the parts of me that have existed and those parts lingering in my subconscious.

 

 

The perception others create of me 

Not a Problem of mine

Judging out of their knowing

 

Often times misunderstanding realness

I won't say I’m the realist 

For we all Fall short 

 

Most people don't know how to take a real one like me

I'm not one to sugar coat and if I do, 

perhaps 

I just don't give a fuck

 

Only the closest 

To me

understand 

 

Let me break it down

 

Understand this

Those in my circle have done

something allowing me to put my trust in them and vice versa

 

They are just like me

We know better than to give our trust away

The only problem is when we do give this thing called trust 

 

 We some loyal Mother Fuckers

Getting blinded by our loyalty 

Giving more than we should

Too often caught being loyal to those plotting on us 

 

I like a mother fucker who doesn't trust me at first.  

Put me to the test maybe I'll fail

maybe I won't

better test me first.

Ha

I'm not for everybody

Hate me or love me

I don't give a fuck

 

The truth is you need people like me

 

Life is a game  

you may win today

Know this

I never stay Got  

If I don't get you

life will

Karma is a friend of mine

She always repays better 

An Artist of punishment 

 

Understand this

I'm about my life not concerned about yours

Why so defensive, we only want the best for you

I Heard that before

I'm not one to categorize 

 I know they're some real ones out there

The ones I try to seek out.

I know what may be real to me is not real to you

 

 I Come from a dark place full of Fallen angels 

 

Most of you don't even know what it's like sleeping with the roaches, evictions you can't control, sleeping in the "Rola"  

in the quiet streets with the big houses

Dreaming you get to live there one day

Running from yourself 

 transforming into the character you need to be

 Allowing you to get as far as possible from the you

 you knew you could become 

but, had no desire to be

 

Survival instincts

On overdrive



The darkness shun in my heart for years

blinding me with anger, resentment, bitterness only to name a few

 

Overpower me 

Oh

they tried 



In the battle for my life, I became stronger

The dim light within me

 illuminating the darkness 

Blinding it out of My heart 

Can’t say out of my subconscious

That's a place it remains

Reminding me of battles won and lost, the lessons provided

The wisdom I Gained

The student in me

Studied the darkness 

Much it had to teach 

Achieving an excellence 

I can be proud of 

 

I know you heard the I

As in Me, myself, and I

Your level of expectations or lack of for my life has zero effect on who I am

I'm my worst critic 

highly doubt you can surpass me

 

Wouldn't say you get a fake me 

Real to an extent never giving up my vulnerable side or

The demons I wrestle with

 for they are mine

A bit possessive 

I protect what I consider mine

 

If you Take me for granted

don't expect me to stick around

I'm a ride a die chick just need to know what the fuck I'm riding and dying for. 



Part of life is getting burnt sometimes from the closest to you

I have no problem walking away

Tucking the pain away darkening a piece of my heart 

 

Not for long

The darkness has become a friend of mine 



By, now you should know

I'm forever winning even when I lose 

I turn negatives into positives 

Even when the math doesn’t add up

Obstacles are just a chance for me to level up

My steps are controlled by faith, not by the limited sight of my vision or yours

I face life, not run from it 

I go to battles with the demons living in me 

I may not win them all

I know when to retreat

Why fight battles only to lose the war

The war against my life 

to live or die

 

T



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